It is astounding to me everyday that my Home Health patient Jeffrey is still alive. I began caring for him last November and he was not even supposed to make it past Christmas.
Each day for me caring for him was like a gift to me. I felt the sacredness of the call to care for one so closely approaching the otherside of the Veil.
Jeffrey could not talk even from the moment that I met him. Regardless of no words, I quickly learned what his face expressions meant and the nods to yes and no questions allowed me to get to know Jeffrey.
Each day I wanted to learn something new about him as I knew it could be the last time he would ever even have a speechless, yet still a conversation with anyone before he would go.
I learned a lot about Jeffrey. He loves football, surfing, mountains, having his own saltwater fish in a tank, Bluegrass Country Music, gospel quartets, and the list goes on, but....he hardly loves anything more than math and Jesus. Those are his two favorite things and the last thing that I ever saw Jeffrey hold in his hand before they have both become paralyzed now was a math book and a small Bible.
Jeffrey is completely paralyzed now and he can't nod his head yes or no because the tumor in his brain has caused him to lose control over his entire body.
As I have been witnessing this I have realized how important communication between two people, but most importantly with our God.
I have realized the way that God is our ultimate caretaker.
I see the way that we are all like Jeffrey sickly in the bed and we can be so uncomfortable.
I can see the way that I try to imagine what position that Jeffrey would be most comfortable in? I see the way that I move things around to see if I can get any reaction from him? I see the way that I desperately want to help him be in the best condition that I can with medication, positioning and the people around him...
But, I can also see how difficult it is to really do much without him telling me how he is or how he needs help.
I can see more clearly how much our Father in Heaven must want us to ask for His help and seek for His care.
I can see the way that we express our desire for help and the way that we respond to the changes He is trying to help us with as vital to the amount of care that He can give us.
We aren't paralyzed. We can ask our Father in Heaven for the medicine of His Son and the Atonement that we need. We can tell Him that we are thankful for His care and we can even ask to learn from Him.
Loss of complete communication with Jeffrey has allowed me to see how one whom does not pray must make our Father in Heaven sad. The way that it makes me feel sad and at a loss on my ability to give Jeffrey more help.
Through this experience I hope that I can learn to take my prayer with my Father in Heaven more deeply and with more gratitude for the ability that I have to ask for help and express gratitude for the way that He is changing my divine positioning around without me even asking for help, but because He loves me.
I know that He loves us all because of the way that I have been given the ability to love complete strangers and I am not God, and I am very very far from being perfect.
http://lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/88.63?lang=engyou.
63 Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
I am thankful that I can pray. I am thankful for all the things that Jeffrey teaches me, and I hope that I can allow them to change me for good.
I say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
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